Replaying the same thought over and over again? You’re not alone. We all get mentally stuck sometimes—looping through regrets, worst-case scenarios, or that one thing we wish we’d said differently. These thought spirals often feel automatic, convincing, and impossible to stop. But just because a thought is loud doesn’t mean it’s helpful or even true.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps you change how you deal with your thoughts. It does not try to erase or fix them. Instead, ACT gives you tools to notice negative thoughts without letting them control your day. This is called cognitive defusion, which means “unhooking.”
In ACT, the goal isn’t to stop thinking. Thoughts will come and go like weather systems. The goal is to unhook from the ones that drag you down, so you can focus on what matters to you. It’s about gaining distance, staying grounded, and choosing actions based on values, not fears or assumptions.
We’re here to walk you through cognitive defusion, share easy-to-understand strategies, and show how ACT can shift your inner dialogue in meaningful ways. Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, or simply overthinking, these tools can offer real relief.
What Is Cognitive Defusion?
ACT uses the term cognitive defusion to describe the process of separating yourself from your thoughts. Instead of seeing thoughts as facts, you learn to notice them as passing experiences—like background noise instead of instructions you must follow.
Why We Get Hooked on Thoughts
Sometimes our minds act like overprotective bodyguards. They try to keep us safe by constantly scanning for danger, replaying failures, warning us about embarrassment, or predicting what could go wrong. These thoughts can feel helpful at first, but often become overwhelming.
The Brain’s Default: Overthinking
Your brain is wired to solve problems. So when it detects uncertainty or discomfort, it throws thoughts at the issue: “What if I fail?” “Why did I say that?” “They must think I’m awkward.”
These thoughts repeat because your brain wants closure. But mental loops rarely lead to resolution. They pull focus from what’s happening now.
When Thoughts Become Sticky
Hooked thoughts feel sticky. They tug at your attention and shape your mood. You might notice:
- A phrase you keep repeating internally.
- Harsh self-talk you can’t seem to shake.
- Rumination that drains your energy.
Once you’re hooked, it’s hard to shift gears even if part of you knows the thought isn’t helpful.
What Cognitive Defusion Looks Like in Real Life
Defusion means noticing the thought, without believing everything it says. It’s the difference between “I’m not good enough” and “I’m having the thought that I’m not good enough.” That tiny shift creates space. From there, you can choose what to do next.
Everyday Defusion Techniques
1. Labeling the Thought
Instead of letting a thought dominate your awareness, try saying: “I’m having the thought that…” This simple phrase turns a judgment into an observation. It reminds you that thoughts are just mental events, not commands.
2. Saying the Thought in a Silly Voice
It may sound odd, but repeating a stressful thought in a cartoon voice or slow-motion whisper helps you see it as less threatening. It’s a gentle way to strip power from a belief that’s overstayed its welcome.
3. Writing It Down, Then Letting It Go
Grab a notepad and jot down your recurring thought. Don’t analyze or argue with it—just observe it. Then crumple the paper or tuck it away. It’s a way of saying: “I see you, thought. You don’t get to run the show.”
How ACT Builds a Healthier Inner Dialogue
ACT helps you notice your thoughts instead of struggling with them. Rather than fighting against anxious thoughts or trying to block negative self-talk, ACT encourages you to pause and recognize your thoughts, saying, “Oh, there’s that thought again.” This small change can reduce the impact of your inner critic. You may still feel doubt, insecurity, and fear over time, but these feelings won’t control your decisions. You’ll learn to see them without letting them dictate your choices.
Pairing Defusion with Values-Based Living
One of ACT’s most powerful aspects is linking thought defusion to values-based living. When you’re no longer tangled up in unhelpful thinking, you open up space to ask bigger questions: What matters to me? What kind of life do I want to build?
Your values act like a quiet, steady, and clear compass, even when your thoughts are noisy or harsh. Whether it’s kindness, authenticity, growth, creativity, or connection, ACT encourages you to use these values as guides.
So instead of getting stuck on “Am I good enough?” you can ask, “Is this next step aligned with who I want to be?” That simple shift helps you move forward, even when discomfort tags along.
Replacing the Struggle with Movement
Rather than focusing on how to stop a thought, ACT asks: What do I want to move toward right now? That forward movement—based on purpose, not fear—is where real change starts.
Imagine you value connection. You want to join a local group or meet new friends. When the opportunity arises, you may think, “You’re awkward. You’re going to say something weird.”
In the past, this thought might have made you cancel plans, stay home, or avoid talking to others. With Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), you can take a moment to pause. Instead of fighting or arguing with that thought, you can name it: “I’m having the thought that I’m awkward.” Naming the thought helps create some distance from it. Then, focus on your value: “Connection matters to me. It’s worth feeling a bit uncomfortable to build it.”
So you go. You still feel nervous, but you act based on your values rather than reacting to fear. That’s success in ACT. It’s not about perfection but about being present. This doesn’t mean you become fearless. It means you become braver in choosing what matters, even with fear sitting beside you.
Progress, Not Perfection
ACT does not ask you to get rid of your inner critic or ignore every intrusive thought. Instead, it encourages you to accept them, just enough to allow yourself to breathe. Some days you will manage better than others, and that’s okay.
This type of therapy offers a new way to relate to your thoughts. You begin to see thoughts as things that happen in your mind, not as orders to follow. You learn to pause, notice, and make a choice. In that pause, you find freedom.
You may still overthink and feel doubt. But you will also understand better what is important to you and become stronger in your ability to move toward it, even when your thoughts try to hold you back.
When to Seek Support—and How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Can Help
Unhooking from thoughts isn’t easy, especially when patterns have existed for years. If you feel stuck in cycles of self-doubt, anxiety, or overwhelm, you don’t have to face them alone.
RM Counseling offers evidence-based support rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Our approach is kind, collaborative, and focused on building practical skills that help you live more fully. We’ll meet you where you are, guide you through ACT strategies, and help you reconnect with your values—so you can move forward with more clarity and self-compassion.
Contact RM Counseling today to learn how ACT can help you break free from unhelpful thought loops and start living with more purpose and peace.
